Review: Assassins (1995)

So, in the hopes for getting a great riff, I saw Assassins, a 1995 Richard Donner action film that my dad was game for.

It sucked.

For one thing, the direction is very, very boring. Its a shame, since I KNOW Donner can do GREAT action sequences (just look at 16 Blocks or the Lethal Weapon films), but here, there's no spark or sense of tension. The film plods along at the pace of molasses, dragging onto its confusing and massively underwhelming finale that just leaves you wondering what the heck is going on.

The screenplay, written by the Wachowski's and reworked drastically by Brian Helgeland, is a insanely confused and muddled mess. On paper, the idea of a veteran, old school assassin going up against a wild, new school assassin had the making of a fun action romp, but the film quickly descends into an aimless affair, not sure if it wants to be a morality play, or a mindless action flick. And the twist ending makes absolutely no logical sense whatsoever given the previous events of the film, and is almost instantaneously resolved, leaving me wondering why it was even there.

Sylvester Stallone is passable in the lead of Robert Rath (yes, that's his name), and he's not awful, but when compared to Antonio Banderas, he pales. He's just going through the motions, and he takes everything totally seriously, leaving him looking silly.

Antonio Banderas, on the other hand, knows EXACTLY what kind of movie he's in, and gleefully plays up the wild mania of Miguel Bain, and really is the only excuse to watch this movie. He acts as if he's on a meth binge, seething, smiling and cackling like a madman for the whole movie, and honestly, made it far more watchable then the film might have been otherwise.

Julianne Moore is pointless in her role, and miscast. Her role as a tech savvy, immature hacker chick who Rath falls for, feels like it was written for a younger actress, and I'm just left wondering why she's here. She doesn't really contribute to the plot beyond holding onto the Macguffin, and since she robs me of more Banderas, I'm just left checking my watch.

In the end, Assassins is a lost opportunity. It could have been a lean, mean thriller, is instead a vaguely pretentious, bland, ponderous and forgettable flick.

I'm giving it 1.5 stars out of 5, mostly for Banderas really, since he makes the flick.